The Iraqi Fly That Loved Me (One man's determination)

In 2004 The Mighty Golden Dragons began our tour in Iraq.  Some places we went to were pretty decent and other not so much.  So midway through the deployment we got the word that we would be  sent from Kirkuk down to a place called An Najaf.  We traveled around Iraq a lot during 13 months, so this was just another load up kick the enemies ass and come back to Kirkuk and chill mission.  If my memory serves me correctly, the enemy was fucking shit up down there and there was news footage of insurgents dancing on top of blown up humvee's.  That was a good enough reason for us to go.  So the Chinook Helicopters land at Kirkuk after midnight and we load up all our shit and head to Najaf.  I fell asleep during the ride as most of us did do to sleep deprivation which was very common.  I woke up to the echo's of "1 minute" which meant the Helicopter would be landing in about 1 minute and when it does get the fuck because its leaving regardless.  So the helicopters lands and we all run out the back and hit the prone position and wait for the birds (helicopter) to take off.  Once they started to take off and blow all the sand in Iraq in my face, we all stood up and looked around to see where we were.  I remember adjusting my NVG's (Night Vision Goggles) and looking around and not seeing anything but miles of desert  in one direction.  Another Soldiers who was there a day before seemed to had appeared out of thin air and said, "What company?" ….."Bravo" one of us said.  "Follow me this way,  this place is real shit hole" the Soldier replied.  As we walked for a few minutes and ended up on the other side of a dirt mound, I saw Soldiers laying down on whatever they could find to get sleep.  So we broke out our green cots to try to get some sleep and we did.  The next morning, I was awaken by Soldiers talking and other noises sounding like things being built.  The noise was too loud for me to go back to sleep so I decided to get up and see where I was and what was going on.  I opened my eyes to see hundreds of Soldiers from my battalion everywhere set up in what looked like a damn gypsy camp.  There were miles and miles of flat desert land with minimal fixed structures.  Soldiers had made what ever they could to keep the sun and sand off of them and had decided to wear whatever uniform they thought would make them comfortable.  I decided to walk around to see what the word on the street was and it was the typical story. Higher up is working out the plan and we should be fucking shit up real soon.  I also happen to notice no matter what color God had made you, the desert decided to make you and everything around you sandstorm tan:).  As we waited around for the next bit of guidance Soldiers did whatever they could to make time go by.  Some Soldiers played spades and dominoes, while others just smoked cigars and talked of memories past.  I remember asking if they had showers or shiters (bathrooms).  The makeshift base had no showers and one porta john.  So where does one take a piss or shit?  Here is your answer,  The engineers had came and dug 10x10 foot holes in the ground and that's where you went to take a piss or shit. Just imagine squatting over a 4 foot deep hole with pale asses hanging out everywhere.  Anyway, we tried our hardest to put up the tents and while we were…..  a fucking sandstorm came which made it even more difficult.  But we are Infantryman, we got those damn tents up and packed our dirty asses inside to set up our sleeping arrangements.   Someone came up with the idea to see who the fastest man in the battalion was and we should conduct sprint competitions in the fucking desert sand to see who it was.  So word got around quickly to meet on the side of one of the tents to determine who is was.  If you ever wanted to know who all the Black Guys in the battalion were and how many we had.. we were all at the tent to race and pretty much the only ones competing for this fastest man in the battalion competition:) We had a few white and Spanish dudes competing but you know how that goes:)  We were so bad ass about the race that we did it barefoot and raced each other all day long.  I don't remember who was actually crowned the best but it might have been me:)  Other guys were so bored that we decided to let SGT Jackson stun us with this stun gun he had.  What type of men wait in line to see if they can withstand being stabbed with a stun gun…Infantryman do:)

 So after all the great festivities we created to keep us occupied, I realized that I had not masturbated since we were in Najaf.  I use to keep this portable dvd player everywhere I went.  So if you saw a Soldier walking around with a huge device in his cargo pocket, you knew what he did or what he was getting ready to go do.  My only problem was, I didn't want to jerk off on my bunk for a few reasons. First reason, there is always someone up doing something to distract you.  Second,  if they caught me jerking off they would clown me for the rest of my life.  Not that I gave a shit, but my brothers had a way of getting under you skin for their own amusement. My brother Doc Ham and Fisk had the big FLA truck (a tactical ambulance).  I had a great relationship with them…but not good enough for them to let me jerk off in the FLA.  Shit one of the medics had just hit a prisoner in the head with a stone for trying to wipe his ass with a rock he found in the sand so I knew what the medics would do to me if they caught me.  I remember someone telling me that we had one porta john and the guy came around 1100 to clean it once a day.  As I laid down on my bunk, I had established that I would be jerking off the next morning in that porta john…..lives depended on it.  I woke up the next morning, packed my primary porn dvd and an alternate.  Hey sometimes the dvd skipped and you don't wanna be stuck trying to jerk off in the desert at noon time with a dvd that won't play. Its not like you can walk outta of the porta john and tell the guy that's waiting in line next," Hey man..I was in there rubbing one off and the dvd starting skipping…I'm gonna run back to my tent and get another one..can you wait like 15 minutes." "I sure will brother..take your time..I will hold my shit for you,"…….said no man ever!  So I walked up to the porta john to see about 30 people in line waiting to either shit, jerk off, or just have a moment of peace.  I was tempted to say, "fuck it" and turn around.  But I had come to far to accomplish the mission and I needed this session bad.  The good news is that the porta john dude had came early and cleaned it so it would be  clean and nice on the inside.  It was the longest wait in a line I had ever experienced.  Fuck, I felt my stomach starting to bubble just a tad from the packet of coffee grinds I had eating earlier to wake me up.  It was almost noon and the muthafucking sun was out there real crispy like.  I was starting to sweat a little bit but I was determined to release this load…... if I didn't I would have killed someone over an MRE milkshake deal gone bad.  Finally, its my turn to go into the porta john.  First thing I noticed is that it was hotter in the porta john than it was outside.  Second thing is that all the flies in Iraq had decided to have their annual Who's who of flies convention in that one and only porta john.  Next I lift up the seat to see that the shit had actually piled up to to toilet seat.  However the burning sensation I felt in my intestines and tightening of butt hole muscles didn't give a rats ass about how much shit was in there.  So I dropped my trousers, put my trusty M4 Carbine in the corner and released the solid that turn into liquid solution in the porta  john.  It sounds like the noise the 7 11 Slurpee machine makes when its out of Slurpee.  I had to angle my ass so I shit down the side of this mountain top of turds.  Finally it was done and I had used at least a roll of TP (Toilet Paper) to wipe my ass.  Now its time for the moment I had been waiting for.  I pulled out my DVD Player and I had already had my Porn DVD ready for the abuse I was gonna put it through.  As I turned it on….it was bad news.  I only had about 30% percent power left on it which meant I had to skip the foreplay and go straight to good stuff.  So I started up the stroke and when to work on the cocoa stick…ROFL.   I started to sweat bad like I could die in the porta john..cock in hand.. dvd player with with the dead battery screen on from dehydration.  But I didn't care, It was me against the battery life on the DVD Player and I was determined to finish.  Flies were all over the place, I'm not sure if they were trying to join in or get me to leave.  There was this one fly that was fucking huge.  He was a lot slower than the other ones but  I couldn't kill him because I needed my energy to finish this masturbation punishment that I was putting myself through.  I remember at one point, my sweat mixing with whatever chemicals  I had in my hair and dripping into my eye….and it fucking burned bad… But like I said, I wanted this bad, badder than President Bush wanted Bin Laden.  So I was getting close to finishing and I happen to watch this fly go into the toilet and land on the biggest turd in there.  He hung out on it for a while so I started back the stroke.  As soon as I started back I watched him leave the turd, come out of the toilet and fly around my upper body as if he was looking for a place to land.  Just as I was getting ready to shoot the load…….the bastard landed on my bottom lip….I stopped the stroke….inhaled and blew him off of my lip..and picked up the stroke and finished with 5 % battery life left on the DVD player.  I packed up my shit, grabbed my M4 kicked open the porta john door in slow motion and I swear I heard someone was playing, " Voodoo Child" by Jimi Hendrix.  It looked a scene out of a war movie  where we had just kicked the enemies ass.  The mission was accomplished…. I was weak…..my walk was slow…I carried my M4 like a piece of luggage…My lips were dry… my muscles were week….my cocoa shaft hurt and badly damaged..  I was drenched in sweat as if I had been pissed on…I walked into the tent and fell to my knees like William Defoe did on the cover of the movie, "Platoon".

 I managed to get to my bunk and down a bottle of boiling hot water and pass out..  The Doc said I could have died that day…Had I not came when i did..I would have died ….cock in hand...dvd player with the dead battery screen….pants around my ankles…...with a fly on my lip:)

We gotta do better

Growing up in Adams Morgan in Washington DC was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  It allowed me to be around people of all different races and cultures.  How could I forget the U.S. Army for showing me that brotherhood comes in all Colors.  I remember as a young child, the elders in my family always taught us to be well mannered and respectful kids.  They taught us to do what we felt was right and not what everybody else thought was right.  In school, we learned about people like, Frederick Douglass, Martin Luther King,  The Kennedys, and just about everybody who wanted to abolish slavery and ensure all people were created equal.  People of all races died to ensure that all people in this country were created equal, especially African Americans.  I’m curious to know what those people would say about where we are as a country and as a race.  And then last week I turned on the TV and saw shit that made me cringe when I saw it and it’s called “Knockout”.  It’s a game where teenagers walk down the street and randomly try to knockout a random person with one punch.  I spent a little bit of time combing the internet looking at videos and articles on the Internet.  It’s no coincident that just about all the kids and teens that are doing this are African American.  And we wonder why people cross to the other side of the streets and clutch their purses out of fear.  Its bullshit like this that feeds that idea and feeling.   All the people that gave their lives to ensure that all people are free and created equal, and to repay them this is the type of shit we do?  When you get a chance pull up a few videos of people protesting back in the day for equal rights.  They were beat to a fucking pulp, bit by dogs, and hosed down with water from fire hydrants….For us to turn around and destroy ourselves and our own communities.  Then we sit and claim that the system ain't set up for to succeed when a motherfucker come over to this country with a pocket full of lent and 5 years later is fucking millionaire….get tha fuck outta here.  We sell drugs to our own people and then turn around and say we ain’t the ones bringing it into the country.  We say the governments trying to destroy our communities with liquor stores and drugs.  Do me a favor and read up on something called, “Supply and Demand”.  We would rather sell dope than get a fucking job at McDonalds.  We will kill a motherfucker that lives two blocks away over a pair of fucking Michael Jordan Shoes.  We would rather be stereotypical shit like Basketball Players and Rappers than be Police Officers, Doctors, and Lawyers.   We would rather listen to and take guidance from a rap video than the school teacher.   And do understand,  I’m not saying all of us are like this.  But what I am saying is, we have come too far and accomplished too much….to still have the same issues in our community and with our youth.  As much as I hate to say…It all starts with parenting.  As parents, we have to teach our children what right looks like.  If we teach our children that it’s ok to have a shit load of kids and be on welfare…than that is exactly what they will do.  However,  if we teach our children that you have to work hard for everything and be a productive person in society…they will.  We are officially out of fucking excuses…The playing field is more leveled than it has ever been.  How about we stop complaining, feeding the stereotypes, and being ungrateful……And make ourselves a part of the solution and not the problem.    We have to parent and raise our children.  It nobody’s job but yours

Range Rover vs Sport Bikes with a sprinkle of bashing

Lets talk meat and potatoes

First and Foremost the people that you saw riding those Motorcycles in the video are not Bikers.  They are seasonal immature retards who happen to own sport bikes.  Lets start off by talking about motorcycle formations.   Real bikers riding with a group of people know that its safer and more respectable to ride in a formation with all motorcycles in ONE LANE SIDE BY SIDE BIKE LENGTH APART.  It also helps for Command and Control Purposes.  When you ride the way that I described, there are two people who move the formation to other lanes.  The person in the front left position gives the signal to swith lanes….and the person in the rear executes it thus the formation is moved from the rear to the front.  For people who don’t know much about motorcycle/biker culture let me give you some knowledge. If a group of motocycles are on the road in a nice formation you shouldn’t be able to squeeze a car between them because they ride that close together. This alone tells you what type of caliber those guys are. It means that they ride often together, they don’t give a shit about losing their life, and you need to get out of their way.  What you saw on that video is what the military calls a, “Gaggle Fuck” and that means tons of shit being all over the place.  Sometimes  Motorcycle riders and Bikers think they own the road.  We forget that if we go up against anything with four wheels we most likely will lose that battle.  Had that been a formation of a Motorcycle Club it would have been handled totally different.  First off, MC’s don’t like heat from Cops.  So we pick our battles and if we have to do business WE ALL DO IT TOGETHER.  Real bikers would rather choose the diplomatic approach first.

So what I think happen is..... that Gaggle Fuck of riders decided to do typical shit that people on sports bikes do..not all but a lot, SHOW OFF!  I say that because there is extra footage of them riding through the city on sidewalks and riding between traffic.  As most of the cars moved out of the way, a hundred bikers took up the whole damn road, the Range Rover didn’t move.  The sport bike riders got pissed that the Range Rover didn’t  switch lanes and get out of their way.  The sport bike riders started to taunt him and his family and he refused to move.  This is when the one bike gets in front of him and does a brake check and the truck ran into the back of him.  The bikers decide to circle the Truck and I'm sure the driver didn't think they were there to talk about the government closure.  One of the bikers showed signs of aggressiveness and the driver of the truck said fuck this shit and ran over the people who were in front of his vehicle.  Why in the fuck would you park a motorcycle or stand in front of a 4500 pound SUV?  Just so you know,  Land Rovers are built and designed to drive over far worse obstacles than a sport bike and human being.  Put yourself in the shoes of the SUV driver with your family in car and you end up being surrounded by a bunch of sport bikes.  What would you have done?  Had that been me in the SUV, I would have rolled down the window just enough to fire two shots from my trusty 380.  I got 6 shots remaining.....And as an old pimp would say, " May your next move be your best move".  I might get beat to death when I run out of rounds, but the funeral home will be busy the next few days because of me.  I recall a time down here in my neck of the woods when I had a little incident.  I was making a left turn from the left lane....and the car next to me turned with me but merged in front of me and almost hit me. I simply honked my horn and he said, "fuck you" and kept going.  Here were my options:

a) keep on riding to my destination and accept that people in the DC Area normally do this

b) yell back at him and keep going to my destination

c) follow him and argue and yell

So I did the last one, but in choosing this option EVERYTHING BECOMES FAIR GAME.  He also had a his wife with him. He did a few brake checks and got close behind me a few times.  When we got to the next stop sign I pulled up BESIDE him and put my kickstand down and walked towards the passenger door.  At this point he realized that he didn't really want that type of problem and pulled off. Now had he pulled out a gun and shot me, threw something at me or inflicted ANY type of bodily harm...HE WOULD HAVE BEEN JUSTIFIED.  When I got home and processed what happen, what I did was dangerous and highly irresponsible.  I was lucky to had walked away without something bad happening and the bottom line is nothing he did to me was so serious that I had to do what I did. When you surround a SUV with a family inside,  you pose a threat in any way shape or form and you will get ran over.  As I sit here in my living room...its almost impossible for me to be struck by an SUV.  But if you park your bike in front of an SUV and threaten the passengers ...you get ran over....thats a fucking no brainer.  The sport bike riders had a choice....and they made the wrong one...and it is...what it is.  Sport bike riders do dumb shit like brake checks and ride on curbs..why because their bikes and the parts are cheap to replace.  Guys with Harleys...if I even put a dent in a saddle bag..  I gotta pay a grand at least.  So I wouldnt park it in front of an angry SUV, nor would I slam on my breaks in front of it or ride it on a fucking sidewalk.  A few weeks ago I was on I95 and a dude on a sport bike did a wheelie for about four exits. Its already a risk riding a motorcycle but when you do dumb shit like that on a HIGHWAY your chances of getting fucked up are a lot higher.  Sport bikes ride all over the fucking rode with no consideration of others.  How many times have you been in your car and a sport bike zoomed past you at speeds unknown to man. How many times have you been on the highway and a bunch of bikes sped past you in every single lane. How many sport bike riders you know over the age of 50? My point is...people who have cruisers have a different mentality and a certain level of maturity.  I bet the average age of those riders that day was about 25 years old.  And thats the type of shit immature riders on sport bikes do. They don't wanna enjoy the LONG comfortable scenic ride....They want the SHORT FAST thrill.  And as I said before..its not all sport bike riders but a lot of them ride like I just described.  People say Harleys are an old mans bike... and maturity comes with age my friend!

The Infantry Dude Talks Racism (Not for the weak or faint hearted)

First and foremost let me say that this blog is my opinion only and is not necessarily about the Martin/Zimmerman case but more so how racism still exist in this country.  No matter what we choose to think……. racism and stereotypes will always exist, but how we deal with it is important. Now let’s have fun with some and stereotype some races

 

Black People:  You basketball playing, chicken and watermelon loving, B.E.T. watching, pants sagging, Cadillac driving, wide nose, nappy head, shucking and jiving on the corner, on welfare but on crack with 25 kids and a clothes line in front of your project  house living, Menthol smoking piece of shit.

White People:  You Country music loving, Ford pickup truck driving, mayonnaise avoiding, bologna smelling, Elvis is better than Michael Jackson thinking, trailer park living, put your kids in time out parenting only for them to turn around and do a Mass Shooting,  trail mix eating, Meth Smoking son off a bitch

Hispanic:  You Illegal 25 people in a 1 bedroom and Honda driving, non English speaking, Goya product buying, 2 last names with the letter Z in it having,  dress your kids up every day as if they were going to the prom,  Univision watching, Julio Iglesias loving, put everything in a tortilla or taco eating bastards.

Asian:  You flat face, Toyota driving, cleaners, carry-out and liquor store owing, Karate and Ninja skill using, Mathematically blessed, rice and sushi eating, no taller than 5 foot  5, name is either Kim, Lee, or Chan having,  all of your kids have bowl haircuts edged up in the front , language sounds like, “Ping Pang Pang Ping” assholes

African:  You 11:59 complexion having, feet are ashy, dark on top and light on the bottom,  Tribe living, flies on you eyeball enjoying, dart blowing,  drum playing, animal hunting and using the hide or fur for next year’s fashion statement dressing, in every “feed this child for 15 cents a day” commercial son of a bitch.

Arabs:  You suicide bombing, bed sheet wearing, 15 times a day praying, all of you named, “Mohammed, Abdul, or Ali, Prayers and Music sounds like a shit load of people being tortured loving,  subject matter expert on all things terrorist, oil money having, language sounds like the sound you make before you spit Mother Fuckers.

 

 

Trust me, I could go on and on with that but the bottom line is………….Everything I mentioned can be applied to every single race.  If you don’t believe me, pick one of the stereotypes and see if it applies to another race.  All races have people that play basketball, Listen to Elvis, eat tacos, play drums, and use meth and crack.  And last but not least, all races have killed large groups of people for no damn reason. Since we got that out of the way, I would like to focus more on racism between black and whites.  When 9/11 happened, it brought all of us together as just Americans.  Terrorist don’t give a shit what color you are.  If you are in America, they view you as just that. Americans are the only ones who for some reason don’t see it that way.  As years progressed, the races began to grow apart.  A few events happened before and after that showed somewhat of a divide in this country.  For example, let’s take the O.J. Simpson trial.  When he was found not guilty, black people celebrated as if we had one a million dollars and white people were pissed as if they lost something.  A lot of us failed to realize that kids lost a mother, parents lost a daughter and son, and O.J. lost a wife.  The only people that know what happen that day were Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman.  We can speculate and be lawyers for a day but we really don’t know all that happened that day.  Fast forward to the Martin/Zimmerman Case, the same thing applies.  The only people that know what happen that day is Travon Martin and George Zimmerman.  You can speculate and be a lawyer for a day……but the bottom line is we don’t know all the things that happen that day.  The one thing we know is a young man’s life was cut short, parents lost a son, and a man was found not guilty and will spend the rest of his life in a living hell. You may say, “Well at least he’s alive”, but his life will never be the same and will affect his family as well.  I also completely understand the large out pouring of support from Black People for the Martin Family. It hit home a little more with us because we all know kids that look like Trayvon Martin.  But isn’t it also safe to say that it hit home in general with people that have young teenagers?  Although on TV you may see protest with large amounts of black people, there are other races that felt bad about what happen.  We as black people need to quit this jumping on the media band wagon shit. We call our own people, “Niggas, Hoes, and bitches” But then we get pissed when Rush Limbaugh called the basketball girl a, “Nappy Headed Hoe”.  Give me a fucking break. And White People, stop thinking that every Black person is overly sensitive about race and thinks they are owed something because of slavery.  Slavery started in the early 1600 and the 13^th Amendment and Emancipation Proclamation were in 1863 and 1865.  However people still owned slaves into the early 1900.  But from 1600 til the 1960’s, black people were treated like shit and less than human. And somehow we are suppose to get over all of that in 50 years, I mean damn give us a little more time. What that means is try to be a little more understanding and considerate of the fact that some blacks are still sensitive about.  And I know some of you are gonna say, “Blacks had slaves too” and your right. But what was the percentage of white slave owners versus black slave owners.  Yes we have made leaps and bounds on the backs of people like Martin Luther King.  But, White people also help paved the way for us to be treated equally as well and that’s a KNOWN FACT.  Yea the President is black but the OTHER 43 WERE WHITE and that’s a fact. A lot of blacks voted for Obama just because he was black, but I feel we were entitled to do that, but whites were also entitled to NOT vote for him because he was black.  To a certain degree they are both wrong.  In school, kids were told we could be anything we wanted to when we grew up………but up until 2009 we all knew that was bullshit.  Now Blacks can truly say we can be anything we want when we grow, but ask your self can other races say the same yet?  Us as black people have to stop making everything out to be about race and thinking that the, “THE WHITE MAN’S HOLDONG US DOWN”.  In some cases it’s true but NOT every time. Six White people and one Black person all put in for a job and the black person is the only one that doesn’t get hired.  You can bet your ass that we might scream racism, but at the same time have to understand that it may be because we’re the least qualified.  Me personally, I think Affirmative Action was great up until President Obama got in office but I think it’s time for it to go away.  However I also think that there are a small amount of states that should still have it.  If a company doesn’t wanna hire me because I’m black it’s their lost not mine.  The biggest thing that will help Racism in this country is talking about it.  You would be surprised what we all have in common if we just put the stereotypes to the side and get to know each other.  I challenge you, the next time you’re out somewhere and see a person of another race spark a conversation with them.  If you have friends of another race take the time and talk with them about race.  But in doing so you have to understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and you may not agree with it.  You can’t fault a person for not having your same views and be thankful that you live in a country where you have freedom of speech.  You try that shit in North Korea and they will send three generations of your family to jail forever, if you don’t believe me look that shit up.  And a special shot out to the Military for forcing all races within it to only see one color, because when you’re in a firefight…..your brother is EVERY COLOR and will risk his life to save yours.

 

In closing I will say

Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, and Asians can all be racist.  In some cases people hate people within their own race.  People of all colors fight to protect this great nation and make it a better place…..some have lost their lives in the process…From Veterans to people like Abe Lincoln, Martin Luther King and The Kennedys…..The least we can do as AMERICANS  is try to live and learn together. Teach your kids to be open minded because they are the once that will make the biggest of changes. 

 

Exert from the I have a Dream Speech by MLK

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

                Free at last! Free at last!

                Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

Quote by JFK

“No one has been barred on account of his race from fighting or dying for America, there are no white or colored signs on the foxholes or graveyards of battle”

“If we are to open employment opportunities in this country for members of all races and creeds, then the Federal Government must set an example … I am not going to promise a Cabinet post or any other post to any race or ethnic group. That is racism in reverse at its worst. So I do not promise to consider race or religion in my appointments if I am successful. I promise only that I will not consider them”

 

 

 

You Know What Grinds My Gears? Vol 2

I stole this title from the show, "Family Guy". The Character Peter gets a spot on the local news channel basically talking about shit that irritates the hell out of him. So with that being said, I'm gonna take my second stab at this.

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, "When people go slow in the fast lane "

Hey, No matter where you are in the United States the furthest left lane is the fast and or passing lane.  It’s quite simple, if you are in the left lane and people are passing you…….MOVE THE FUCK OUTTA THE WAY (unless your old as shit..you get a pass)

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, "People that show up late for shit”

We gonna meet at 11:00am means exactly what is says.  Don’t text me at 11:05 saying you gonna be late.  I take that shit as disrespect.. like your literally saying fuck me, my family, and everything I stand for. 

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, " People who purchased motorcycles or motorcycle parts because of, “Sons of Anarchy”

First and foremost, you’re a fucking idiot that lacks creativity.  Hey, I watch a show called, “Hoarders Buried Alive”.  However, I have no plans on buying a bunch shit and turning my house into an episode.

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, "Black People who can’t dance”

WTF…. How can you be black and not know how to dance.  You on the dance floor fucking up everybody’s new shoes and shit.  Out here setting us back years.. Bad enough the DC Sniper was black which I still refuse to except lol

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, " People with gold teeth”

Hey that shit faded out like L.A. Gear shoes…..The only people authorized gold teeth are Puerto Ricans and Middle Aged Pimps in Texas and Georgia.

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, " People who share Face book Pages with their significant other”

So it has been established that your balls have been relocated into your wife’s purse.  Something about that tells me that TRUST is defiantly not an issue in your relationship”

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, " People who act like their shit don’t stink”

Hey you know both of you don’t even sleep in the same damn bed.  Why you out here telling everybody how good your marriage is when you haven’t had sex in the year 2013.

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, " People who overly stress how much they love being single”

No no no no.  Your single because all of the good people don’t want you.  People are like properties, “you will only attract certain people to live in your neighborhood”.  I don’t give a shit who you are, Nobody likes to be alone. I’m single and I’m doing me…your right..you are doing YOU.  Because nobody else of any value wants you.  Just remember, the older you get the lower your property value.

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, " People who constantly go out of their way to put how great their relationship is on Face book”

Is it me or do they end up being the same people who change that relationship status to single the following month?

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, "When people act like their jobs are more important that what they really are”

Dude you check receipts at Wal-Mart, Why you out there telling your friends, “I do big things in the Retail Industry and nothing gets by unless it goes through me”  LOL  you are correct

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, "People who are surprised when I tell them I ride a Harley”

WTF..It’s not like I’m a witch and ride a fucking broomstick.

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, " The Overly Depressed person on Face Book”

Damn….I know exactly what page to go to when I wanna feel like a fucking loser.  Your page is like an episode of, “The Young and the Restless.  Face book is slowly changing from a happy connect with friends have a good time web site to a my life sucks ass ungrateful I want people to join me in this troth of constant negative shit web site.  But I have to admit,  I get amusement out of bad shit happening to certain people.

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, "Pop-ups when I watching Porn”

Nothing like watching your favorite Porn star get destroyed by 30 dudes and then the “LIVEJASMIN” pop-up takes over your screen with some cheesy euro trash chick sitting on the edge of the bed smoking a cigarette.

 

You know what Grinds My Gears, " When Soldiers from Army Units that are not well known wear combat patches from more popular divisions”

Hey..have you ever worn that combat patch on you left side?  I don’t give a shit who you FELL UNDER IN COMBAT.  If you don’t know what “KOLEKOLE PASS” is TAKE MY ELECTRIC STRAWBERRY OFF!  If you aint spent time at Bragg..don’t wear the patch..if you aint spent time at Campbell, take the Screamin Eagle off…If you aint spent time at one the Regiments ..take that scroll off!

Stay Thirsty My Friends

You Know What Grinds My Gears? Vol 1

I stole this title from the show, "Family Guy".  The Character Peter gets a spot on the local news channel basically talking about shit that irritates the hell out of him.  So with that being said, I'm gonna take a stab at this myself.

You know what Grinds My Gears, " The Line at Chipolte"
What the fuck, its one Chipolte every two continents away and every time I decide to go there is a line.

You know what Grinds My Gears, "People that are long winded"
Hey I know you dont believe in taking breaths between conversations but damn dude.  You have run on sentences for christ sake.  I done missed a bunch of shit because of your long as story about bullshit. Yo, sum that shit up in a sentence, turn around, and move the fuck out!

You know what Grinds My Gears, "People who constantly post negative shit about the President'
Hey, is your life so fucking boring that all you can do is find flaws about a person you have never met. A post here and there is fine but damn dude.  Are you fucking at all?  Because if you were fucking someone you wouldnt have time to dedicate your whole day to posting negative shit about the President.

You know what Grinds My Gears, "  People who's cars are dirty on the inside"
Hey, why you gonna offer me a ride and the inside of your car looks like an episode of, "HOARDERS"

You know what Grinds My Gears, "Army People that start conversations off with, "Back in the day"
Who h=the fuck cares?  They most likely had muskets too Daniel Boone.  When I came in the army you were just a kid....and your point?.

You know what Grinds My Gears, " People with bad breath"
Is that you mouth or your ass?  Either way I take that as disrespect.  How do you not know that your breath smells like the alley behind a Chinese carry out.

You know what Grinds My Gears, " That kid Justin Beiber"
You little piece of shit with ya bird chest and flamboyant Liberace style hair.  The only people that like your music is 12 year old boys and dudes doing time in jail.

You know what Grinds My Gears, " When someone is ashy"
What are you doing this to yourself?  Cant you see that your skin is thirsty and needs to be hydrated.  Skin looks like you laid in a bed of flour

You know what Grinds My Gears, "When people crack the same joke twice"
The first time you cracked it nobody laughed.....What in the hell makes you think the second time will be any better...Choke yourself

You know what Grinds My Gears, "When people take their time crossing the street"
HURRY UP! Im doing you a damn favor by letting you cross.. You need to move with a sense of urgency you lazy bastard

You know what Grinds My Gears, " The One Ply Toilet Paper at Work"
I mean damn, you can provide me with two computer monitors and a government blackberry but no two ply toilet paper to wipe my ass.  I got better toilet paper in the combat zone.

You know what Grinds My Gears, "The Fact that McDonalds and Taco Bell foods are laxatives "
I dont give a shit what your plans are or what you have scheduled...10 minutes after you eat this stuff you will be stopping at the nearest bathroom to turn your asshole into the 7 eleven slurpee machine.


You know what Grinds My Gears, "Old Black Dudes that ride around in Chevy Conversion Vans that have beds in them"
Unless you do a lot of traveling on the road....you owning this creep ass van is setting us black people back worst than the DC Sniper did.

You know what Grinds My Gears, "That Tan that Mitt Romney had"
What type of games you playing Mitten?  Your tan looked like you bathed in a mixture of Yams, spoiled orange juice, and Tang Powder Mix.

You know what Grinds My Gears, " Taylor Swifts music"
How the fuck every song you make is about somebody breaking your heart,  You sound like majority of the females on my facebook page.  Maybe she has, "Stank Puss"  who knows?

You know what Grinds My Gears, "People who try to force you to eat healthy"
I got a Great Grandmother damn near 85 years old who been putting a pigs ass in everything she has eating since she was born.  She's healthy and still out there pushing those watchtower and daily bread books.......Relax and enjoy food for once

You know what Grinds My Gears, "When people one up your story"
You could have just said that you flew a 747 airplane.........News flash....This maafucka invented them lol

You know what Grinds My Gears, "When you wave to let someone know to get in front of you and they don't"
You had your signal on....we made eye contact... I flashed my lights twice.....you didn't go....soooooooooooo......fuck you then!

You know what Grinds My Gears, " When Im paying for stuff at the PX and they ask, "Would you like to save 5 percent and pay with your Star Card?
Bitch I aint got know damn star card....so why the fuck you keep asking me the same shit everyday. My answer was no everyday this week and it aint gonna change.



Stay Thirsty

The Fail of the National Guard Bureau Enlisted Soldier

I started my Army Career in the year 2000.  Once I became a Non-Commissioned Officer(NCO) I was given three Soldiers.  Being a leader was one of the most amazing experiences of my life I must say.  One of the great things about being in The Big Army is they do a pretty good job of weeding out the bad leaders.  For example, a nine man infantry squad consist of the squad leader who is normally an E-6, two team leaders that are E-5's or E-4's and the rest of the Soldiers are E-4 and below.  Nine times out of ten, if your squad leader is a dirt bag, one or both of those team leaders are rock stars.  As soon as they get the opportunity to get rid of that E-6, they damn sure will.  The higher up's in the company won't keep him around for shits and giggles.  Its all about job performance and they wont hesitate to send his ass somewhere and give him an average to below NCOER.  So anyway, once I left big Army I joined the National Guard and became what they call an "MDAY" Soldier.  What that means is that I drill one weekend a month and two weeks during the summer.  One of the things that I realized when I started drilling on the weekends is that the standards were a tad bit less than big army.  A lot of the NCO's were average to below and seemed only to care about themselves.  There were more supervisors than there were leaders which was something I struggled to understand .  Once I left MDAY status and became full time I went down to work at the place where all the decisions are made for the National Guard.  It was very common to meet NCO's who had never led troops.  I remember talking with one E-8 who said he had avoided having Soldiers under him as much as possible because he only wanted to have to worry about himself.  One of the other things I learned very quickly is the object of the game wasn't mission first...it was how fast can you get promoted.  As if its some sort of competition to see who can progress the fastest.  I remember the day I told the Soldier in charge of me that I was diagnosed with PTSD and had been seeking treatment for the past year.  I was fired 2 days later and sent to another section and not even allowed to pack up my shit.  How the fuck is that taking care of Soldiers.  Of course the person that fired me was an E-8 who had never deployed...imagine that.  Most of the Soldiers there have never deployed.  The fucking war has been going on for over 10 years, how the fuck have people not deployed.  Granted there are some situations where you have not been selected to do so and I get that, but come on...its been ten years.  Another reason is people look at deploying as a  , "I need it to get promoted or just to have something on my right side".  That's the wrong answer and as we use to say in the old days,  'Thats as wrong as two boys fucking".  I've never in my life seen so many shitty enlisted Soldiers consolidated in one area in my life.  Soldiers walking around looking jacked the fuck up.  Uniforms fucked up, stomach busted out, hair out of regulation, and the list goes on.  I'm not in the best shape but one thing i can guarantee is that i will never fail a pt test. I mean I'm not getting 270's and above like I used to but I'm also not doing a job that requires me to be in top light fighter shape either. You got Soldiers riding medical profiles like its going out of style.  How in the fuck do you go and get a profile a week before the PT Test?  And don't get me started on the, "The good ole boy network".  A bunch of ratchet ass senior Soldiers that only take care of their piece of shit buddies.  Only in the Guard Bureau will a motherfucker turn down a First Sergeant position because its in another state.  We got First Sergeant positions that aren't even being filled because nobody wants to PCS.  I got news for you dip shit,  Big Army PCS's all the time at the need of the fucking army.  Granted I don't expect you to volunteer to PCS but if you get orders to do so, you damn sure better do it.  Another thing you will find is a Soldier that's E-7 and above that has like 9 years of active left before he reaches 20 years to retire.  So for example, in Big Army when u have reached the rank of E-8 or E-9 you should normally have less than 5 years left.  But in regards to the Guard Bureau you will have a SGM with years left and we all know the higher the position the less there are of them.  So know I gotta wait for the 50 year old SGM to fucking die before a position opens up.  If he doesn't die, he will continue to move around into other E-9 positions which prevents others from moving up.  However they have recently had a leadership change and I'm sure he will be able to fix a big portion of these things.  So here is an example of a conversation.

-The conversation is about a promotion in the Big Army

Big Army: I know you are stationed in Bragg and you are a promotable E-7 but there is a 1SG job at Fort Hood. Do you want it?

Big Army Soldier:  Hood sucks, but I will take it (I'm so looking forward to being a 1SG)

-Same Convo just at the Guard Bureau

GB:  We have a position in Fort Hood for 1SG.  Do you want it?

Soldier:  Oh no i can't. We just got a house here and my kids like the schools they are in, plus my wife has the flu.  Are there any positions within a 20 mile radius of here because I can't really go anywhere.  Also can I still get promoted to MSG?

The positions and ranks change but the type of conversation remains the same.  Do understand, the Guard Bureau has a few amazing rock stars working there.  The problem is they are the ones that get fucked over the most.  They become victims of performance punishment.  That's when you are good at what you do so people give you more shit to do.  Then they wonder why the rock stars wanna leave and go work somewhere else.  They lower the standards for shit bags but raise it for the rock stars.  Amazing shit isn't it.  Some of you may ask, well why the hell do you stay in the guard?  I stay in the Guard because i believe i can offer something that they need badly....A LEADER.  So i will continue to do my part, take care of, and mentor Soldiers.  If your a Guardsman and you found this blog offensive...do the Soldiers who give a shit about the Army a favor....Find the nearest balcony and jump the fuck off...  make room for people who wanna make a difference.

Stay Thirsty my Friends