You Know What Grinds My Gears? Vol 1

I stole this title from the show, "Family Guy".  The Character Peter gets a spot on the local news channel basically talking about shit that irritates the hell out of him.  So with that being said, I'm gonna take a stab at this myself.

You know what Grinds My Gears, " The Line at Chipolte"
What the fuck, its one Chipolte every two continents away and every time I decide to go there is a line.

You know what Grinds My Gears, "People that are long winded"
Hey I know you dont believe in taking breaths between conversations but damn dude.  You have run on sentences for christ sake.  I done missed a bunch of shit because of your long as story about bullshit. Yo, sum that shit up in a sentence, turn around, and move the fuck out!

You know what Grinds My Gears, "People who constantly post negative shit about the President'
Hey, is your life so fucking boring that all you can do is find flaws about a person you have never met. A post here and there is fine but damn dude.  Are you fucking at all?  Because if you were fucking someone you wouldnt have time to dedicate your whole day to posting negative shit about the President.

You know what Grinds My Gears, "  People who's cars are dirty on the inside"
Hey, why you gonna offer me a ride and the inside of your car looks like an episode of, "HOARDERS"

You know what Grinds My Gears, "Army People that start conversations off with, "Back in the day"
Who h=the fuck cares?  They most likely had muskets too Daniel Boone.  When I came in the army you were just a kid....and your point?.

You know what Grinds My Gears, " People with bad breath"
Is that you mouth or your ass?  Either way I take that as disrespect.  How do you not know that your breath smells like the alley behind a Chinese carry out.

You know what Grinds My Gears, " That kid Justin Beiber"
You little piece of shit with ya bird chest and flamboyant Liberace style hair.  The only people that like your music is 12 year old boys and dudes doing time in jail.

You know what Grinds My Gears, " When someone is ashy"
What are you doing this to yourself?  Cant you see that your skin is thirsty and needs to be hydrated.  Skin looks like you laid in a bed of flour

You know what Grinds My Gears, "When people crack the same joke twice"
The first time you cracked it nobody laughed.....What in the hell makes you think the second time will be any better...Choke yourself

You know what Grinds My Gears, "When people take their time crossing the street"
HURRY UP! Im doing you a damn favor by letting you cross.. You need to move with a sense of urgency you lazy bastard

You know what Grinds My Gears, " The One Ply Toilet Paper at Work"
I mean damn, you can provide me with two computer monitors and a government blackberry but no two ply toilet paper to wipe my ass.  I got better toilet paper in the combat zone.

You know what Grinds My Gears, "The Fact that McDonalds and Taco Bell foods are laxatives "
I dont give a shit what your plans are or what you have scheduled...10 minutes after you eat this stuff you will be stopping at the nearest bathroom to turn your asshole into the 7 eleven slurpee machine.


You know what Grinds My Gears, "Old Black Dudes that ride around in Chevy Conversion Vans that have beds in them"
Unless you do a lot of traveling on the road....you owning this creep ass van is setting us black people back worst than the DC Sniper did.

You know what Grinds My Gears, "That Tan that Mitt Romney had"
What type of games you playing Mitten?  Your tan looked like you bathed in a mixture of Yams, spoiled orange juice, and Tang Powder Mix.

You know what Grinds My Gears, " Taylor Swifts music"
How the fuck every song you make is about somebody breaking your heart,  You sound like majority of the females on my facebook page.  Maybe she has, "Stank Puss"  who knows?

You know what Grinds My Gears, "People who try to force you to eat healthy"
I got a Great Grandmother damn near 85 years old who been putting a pigs ass in everything she has eating since she was born.  She's healthy and still out there pushing those watchtower and daily bread books.......Relax and enjoy food for once

You know what Grinds My Gears, "When people one up your story"
You could have just said that you flew a 747 airplane.........News flash....This maafucka invented them lol

You know what Grinds My Gears, "When you wave to let someone know to get in front of you and they don't"
You had your signal on....we made eye contact... I flashed my lights twice.....you didn't go....soooooooooooo......fuck you then!

You know what Grinds My Gears, " When Im paying for stuff at the PX and they ask, "Would you like to save 5 percent and pay with your Star Card?
Bitch I aint got know damn star card....so why the fuck you keep asking me the same shit everyday. My answer was no everyday this week and it aint gonna change.



Stay Thirsty

The Fail of the National Guard Bureau Enlisted Soldier

I started my Army Career in the year 2000.  Once I became a Non-Commissioned Officer(NCO) I was given three Soldiers.  Being a leader was one of the most amazing experiences of my life I must say.  One of the great things about being in The Big Army is they do a pretty good job of weeding out the bad leaders.  For example, a nine man infantry squad consist of the squad leader who is normally an E-6, two team leaders that are E-5's or E-4's and the rest of the Soldiers are E-4 and below.  Nine times out of ten, if your squad leader is a dirt bag, one or both of those team leaders are rock stars.  As soon as they get the opportunity to get rid of that E-6, they damn sure will.  The higher up's in the company won't keep him around for shits and giggles.  Its all about job performance and they wont hesitate to send his ass somewhere and give him an average to below NCOER.  So anyway, once I left big Army I joined the National Guard and became what they call an "MDAY" Soldier.  What that means is that I drill one weekend a month and two weeks during the summer.  One of the things that I realized when I started drilling on the weekends is that the standards were a tad bit less than big army.  A lot of the NCO's were average to below and seemed only to care about themselves.  There were more supervisors than there were leaders which was something I struggled to understand .  Once I left MDAY status and became full time I went down to work at the place where all the decisions are made for the National Guard.  It was very common to meet NCO's who had never led troops.  I remember talking with one E-8 who said he had avoided having Soldiers under him as much as possible because he only wanted to have to worry about himself.  One of the other things I learned very quickly is the object of the game wasn't mission first...it was how fast can you get promoted.  As if its some sort of competition to see who can progress the fastest.  I remember the day I told the Soldier in charge of me that I was diagnosed with PTSD and had been seeking treatment for the past year.  I was fired 2 days later and sent to another section and not even allowed to pack up my shit.  How the fuck is that taking care of Soldiers.  Of course the person that fired me was an E-8 who had never deployed...imagine that.  Most of the Soldiers there have never deployed.  The fucking war has been going on for over 10 years, how the fuck have people not deployed.  Granted there are some situations where you have not been selected to do so and I get that, but come on...its been ten years.  Another reason is people look at deploying as a  , "I need it to get promoted or just to have something on my right side".  That's the wrong answer and as we use to say in the old days,  'Thats as wrong as two boys fucking".  I've never in my life seen so many shitty enlisted Soldiers consolidated in one area in my life.  Soldiers walking around looking jacked the fuck up.  Uniforms fucked up, stomach busted out, hair out of regulation, and the list goes on.  I'm not in the best shape but one thing i can guarantee is that i will never fail a pt test. I mean I'm not getting 270's and above like I used to but I'm also not doing a job that requires me to be in top light fighter shape either. You got Soldiers riding medical profiles like its going out of style.  How in the fuck do you go and get a profile a week before the PT Test?  And don't get me started on the, "The good ole boy network".  A bunch of ratchet ass senior Soldiers that only take care of their piece of shit buddies.  Only in the Guard Bureau will a motherfucker turn down a First Sergeant position because its in another state.  We got First Sergeant positions that aren't even being filled because nobody wants to PCS.  I got news for you dip shit,  Big Army PCS's all the time at the need of the fucking army.  Granted I don't expect you to volunteer to PCS but if you get orders to do so, you damn sure better do it.  Another thing you will find is a Soldier that's E-7 and above that has like 9 years of active left before he reaches 20 years to retire.  So for example, in Big Army when u have reached the rank of E-8 or E-9 you should normally have less than 5 years left.  But in regards to the Guard Bureau you will have a SGM with years left and we all know the higher the position the less there are of them.  So know I gotta wait for the 50 year old SGM to fucking die before a position opens up.  If he doesn't die, he will continue to move around into other E-9 positions which prevents others from moving up.  However they have recently had a leadership change and I'm sure he will be able to fix a big portion of these things.  So here is an example of a conversation.

-The conversation is about a promotion in the Big Army

Big Army: I know you are stationed in Bragg and you are a promotable E-7 but there is a 1SG job at Fort Hood. Do you want it?

Big Army Soldier:  Hood sucks, but I will take it (I'm so looking forward to being a 1SG)

-Same Convo just at the Guard Bureau

GB:  We have a position in Fort Hood for 1SG.  Do you want it?

Soldier:  Oh no i can't. We just got a house here and my kids like the schools they are in, plus my wife has the flu.  Are there any positions within a 20 mile radius of here because I can't really go anywhere.  Also can I still get promoted to MSG?

The positions and ranks change but the type of conversation remains the same.  Do understand, the Guard Bureau has a few amazing rock stars working there.  The problem is they are the ones that get fucked over the most.  They become victims of performance punishment.  That's when you are good at what you do so people give you more shit to do.  Then they wonder why the rock stars wanna leave and go work somewhere else.  They lower the standards for shit bags but raise it for the rock stars.  Amazing shit isn't it.  Some of you may ask, well why the hell do you stay in the guard?  I stay in the Guard because i believe i can offer something that they need badly....A LEADER.  So i will continue to do my part, take care of, and mentor Soldiers.  If your a Guardsman and you found this blog offensive...do the Soldiers who give a shit about the Army a favor....Find the nearest balcony and jump the fuck off...  make room for people who wanna make a difference.

Stay Thirsty my Friends