First and foremost allow me to formally introduce
myself. My name is Darkness (PTSD) and
I’ve been living with you for some time now.
I gave you the anger and pain you needed to survive and make it out of
there alive. Now I’m here to collect and
brother I'll take any form of payment. Here
is a list of types of payments I will take, your happiness, your family, piece
of mind, job, and any other things that make you happy. However, what I really really want……is your
life...…but we will work that out some other time. You see,
I want to take everything and everyone from you. I don’t want you to be happy, I just want it
to be me and you together. I want us to
be alone just so I can press the play button and replay every bad thing you saw or
ever did in War. Shit man, I’m greedy…..I will even throw in some other
horrible shit that happen to you before and after war. Don’t get better and seek help because
nothing is wrong with you. Everybody
around you are the ones that are fucked up.
Well wait a minute….I lied. I will
allow and encourage someone else to be a part of our team. And brother you can pick which ever addiction
you like to be the third person. Because
remember…….nobody else likes you but me.
You aint shit, your worthless, and don’t deserve any happiness AT
ALL! People close to you smile in your
face and tell you nothing but bullshit.
They don’t really like you and never did. Even the people in your own home hate your
very exsistance. And don’t get me
started on that mask you wear. Fuck you
and the piece of shit mask you wear.
What are you a pussy…..You afraid to show people the real you? You scared to tell people the truth? The truth about what you did and how you put
lives at risk? Remember brother I know
the truth.....…not all of them were justifiable…......but its your lie brother
you can tell it however you want to.
Everything you have….you don’t deserve it. Everything you get….will never be enough. I will never allow you to be happy or others
around you. And your medication……you
don’t need it. Warriors don’t need a
crutch and never will. You seeking help
and trying to better yourself means your weak.
Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? War has aged you brother. The child has grown…...the dream has gone…...…you
have become comfortably numb. Lets just
cash out while we can and be by ourselves.
I’ve got so many things planned for us and it starts with guilt, anger,
and depression. No matter how much help
you get from the doctors it will never be like it was brother. No matter how reseelient you are…….It will
never be like it was. Just give up and
let me take charge. I promise it will be
easy for you. Remember...you almost gave
me the jackpot on that bottom bunk that night..And you should have. So with that being said, what do you say
brother?
Do me a favor.....Go in the kitchen....find the biggest
knife in there....bring it back......and let's cut out the bullshit!
I don’t know if you know me as well as you think you
do. I'm kinda like a big deal around
this Maafucka. First off, I will never
ever let you ruin and destroy my life.
I've worked too hard to get where I am for your "poor me"
depressed ass to take it away from me.
All that dark shit is for the birds...I'm like a King in my own mind
brother. I will continue to better and surround
myself with nothing but Love, Laughter, and Life. No person will ever come between that...ever. I will never hurt you the way you hurt me because
we're the same person. And your
right..things will never be the same..but they WILL continue to get
better. I'm stronger and more resilient
now than I've ever been my whole entire life.
Everything that happen to me it what ultimately made me who I am
today...And I love myself. You can bring
up all the horrors from my past but guess what....they will NEVER consume me or
my future. You will poke your head out
on occasion...but I'm in charge around this maafucka. Everything you described
to try to bring me done is what makes up that spring in my step...I'm above it. We will continue to co-exist and get to know
each other...but it's on my terms and my
rules. You will trip me up on occasion
and if I can't make it back to my feet, the people I have surrounded myself
with will help me. I got more close air
support, QRF, and Support by Fires than you could ever imagine. I'm the one
holding YOU hostage and I make the decisions.
I know I haven’t made all the right decisions....but guess what....At
least I fucking made a decision. I will continue to take medication and see
doctors....Because I owe to not only myself but my family, brothers, and to my Army. No matter what you throw at me, I will hit that shit like Bruce Lee playing
ping pong with nun chucks.....Like a Boss.
So the answer to your question is not no....but fuck no. Take your darkness ass back to wherever you
came from and don’t call me...I'll call you.
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